I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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