I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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