i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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