I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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