I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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