How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize