Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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