if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
