If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
