I wanna bring you to show and tell
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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