We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
