you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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