dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
