Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
