I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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