Someone shit on the floor
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
