ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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