so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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