i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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