Someone shit on the floor
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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