sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Two words: nipple clamps
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