dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
