What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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