Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
