What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
