I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
