You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
