I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
