We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
