You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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