I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
