First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
