physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just invented taco cereal.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
