I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
