We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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