we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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