I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
