I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize