I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
These tits shall not be calmed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
