i would punch a child for taco bell
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
