My sheets look like a crime scene.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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