I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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