yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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