i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
