I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
