Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
