He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
