Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
