Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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