I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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