his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
