Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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