listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize