The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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