Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Operation Purity has been aborted
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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