I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
