Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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