You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
