But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize