so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
