Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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