I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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