I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
