It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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