But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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