Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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