just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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