I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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