i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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