She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
