bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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