Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
