He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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