Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
